It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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