I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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