Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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