I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
