took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
