Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
