I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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