I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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