one might say we're banned from that church
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
