afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
