absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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