One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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