my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
