I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
