were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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