Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Buhtt sex?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
