Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I am one with the molecules
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
