I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
