oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
