im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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