If i come over, it means nothing
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
