Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
