whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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