Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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