when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I would fuck him just for his dog
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
