It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
