a search helicopter?!
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
