Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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