We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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