wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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