found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
