he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
