I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
