so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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