I just cut my nipple shaving
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
if only i could text you this smell
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
