does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
