I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
