Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
