Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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