i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
