My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
