i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
