hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
