"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My bed smells like the plague
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
