Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize
