Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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