her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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