you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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