Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Randomize
