How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
