Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
