awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
My pussy is not your playground.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
