i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
