Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
