I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
