Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
