u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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