That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
