Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
