today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
